1. moman

    Great writing on the subject of relapse. I guess I was fortunate to have years in AA prior to my opiate troubles…..then to have a doctor in recovery prescribe my suboxone. Throughout my years on ORT, medication was never the focus, the emphasis was on working to change myself. I shake my head every time I hear (otherwise) intelligent individuals fall prey to the notion that they can “educate” themselves into recovery (I’ve even heard of folks claiming to use education as their Higher Power). We as addicts so often believe that, because we feel one way today, that somehow validates our plan for living the rest of our lives. All we’re really doing is denying our own insanity and the fact that our lives are unmanageable. Once we begin doing these things, we’re already on the slippery, downward slope!

  2. siclyjulie

    Dearest Doc,
    I love your blogs. I am a forty year old female that has been addicted to pain pills since the tender age of thirteen. Braces introduced me to the world of opoids, and I also remember my mother giving me that wonderful tasting cough syrup as a small child with codiene in it. Sometimes I think I am freak and then I read other’s situations and realize that even a well educated and successful person, such as yourself, can fall ill to this chronic and lifelong illness.
    Having gone through my teenage years with the party life of a hell-yun, physical addiction never enetered my mind. Maybe cause I often did any drug such as pot, acid, X, cocain, hell just about anything with periods of sobriety during the week. I think, looking back, how my parents knew all this and could have helped but embarrassment is of their age. So off to college and then I delt pot and continued to become a court stenographer and I loved it because I was good at it. Alcohol and drugs took that from me and I decided marriage and change of geography would do the trick. There I met physical addiction. Oh, happy day. OMG.
    I remember starting out getting thirty hydros a month. One month I didn’t have any and this funny feeling came over….physical addiction, every addicts nightmare. I continued on going to pain clinics for a horsback barrel racing accident and got myself on pain magagement. I walked out of there the happiest girl on the planet. It wasn’t long before I was taking all 120 lorcet plus, 90 somas, 90 klonpin, 30 sleeping pills a month. And it was even a shorter time when I started taking mine and my husbands. Off to rehab I went for 21 day stint. I was 31. The withdrawels were intense as mine are always really intense off anything anymore. I wonder why it is that mine were so unbearable and my husband’s were not. He did not go to treatment. He just stopped.
    As I was driving up hill out of the mountain rehab I looked in my console and there it was: A sparkling pink lortab 10. What do you think my dumbass did? Took it. “I won’t get THAT bad again” I told myself….hahahaha. I got so bad in the next two years I almost died and was anorexic as I was now addicted to all that and methamphetamine. Off to one of the leading rehabs in our area UAB in Birmingham, Al to literally save my life this time. I have relapesed so many time Dr. and now having beren on Suboxone for four years almost I am detoxing with the option to go back to out-treatment if needed. I was that articulate, college volleyball athelete and then owned my own court reporting firm in downtown Huntsville, Al.
    Who knows if I can get off these subs, but I have not wanted or desired an opoid in years. I know my reality and suicide was contemplated so many times I can’t even tell you. I know that while being clean and off pain pills and other drugs, I had two beautiful children and they are my modivation now. This is very self-centered and selfish disease. With constant and diligent therapy and meetings are required at least in my case. And being 40, I am SICK AND TIRED OF THE W/DS. But here I sit going through them for the — who knows how many times. Anger seems to fill me at the moment and there is nothing more in this world than to have recieved the help I needed as teen. So to all that have young ones with tendicies: Take care, notice, and intervene because they have not the brain power or intelligence to do it themsevelves.

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