Best wishes to everyone for the holiday season!  Merry Christmas
I am not a big Christmas person.  I’m not sure when things changed;  I used to enjoy the season much more…  I remember past days when I would gaze at the tree and feel a warmth from memories of being a kid, sitting in church, feeling safe and loved.  Now it is so hard to let go of the worries over bills, fears about the health of older family members, concern about the economy….  it seems that there is so much to worry about!
But at the same time, there is nothing that I can do about most of those things.  So why worry?  Worrying makes me feel, I suppose, that I have some power over things that in reality I am powerless over.  It is all a big ruse– the worry is only there to fool me… and keep me miserable at the same time!
That is were ‘Faith’ comes in.  I am no expert on Faith by any means, but there was a time in my life where I at least understood what Faith was all about.  Funny enough, that time was when I was at my absolute lowest– when I had lost my career, when I feared losing my family, and when my finances were in shambles.  I remember being a a choice point, knowing that I had to decide whether to believe or whether to wallow in despair.  I don’t even know what it was that I had to believe in;  I suppose most people would expect that I’m talking about believing in God, and maybe that is what I’m talking about.  But it was also belief in life, and in optimism, and in choosing to let go of fear and despair.
So that is where I am on this Christmas Eve.  I have fears about the future– about many things involving myself, my family, and the world.  I have resentments from past arguments, and shameful feelings for mistakes that I have made over the years.  But I’m going to use this moment to remind myself of the Faith that I have had before– the Faith that I know can turn an average, busy day into a day of meaning and deep joy.
I hope that all of you can find that place as well, even if only for a moment.  If you find it, try to stay there for as long as you can.  I really can’t think of a downside.

1 Comment

thankfulmom · December 26, 2010 at 9:39 am

Merry Christmas and thank you for letting us read your story and your thoughts. They are a tremendous help.

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